VillagePastor

Living with Aspergers

I live with a lot of things in my life—leading a church that struggles at times with deficits; joint pain from too many years on the tennis court; a driven personality that serves me well, and sometimes not so well; an occasional craving for Mexican food in Old Town, San Diego; the annual disappointment of following the Chargers; and a whole lot more.

But here’s something else, something I have not written about until now. Something that impacts my life almost everyday, that at times nearly pushes me to the edge—Aspergers Syndrome (AS).  It impacts me, because I have a son who is an “Aspie”.  The name comes from a pediatrician in Vienna, Hans Asperger, who in the 1940’s discovered that certain children have a unique set of character traits.  He began to study them, and he noticed they had some of the following characteristics in common:

 -they tend to have a low EQ, meaning they lack certain social skills

-they prefer to be alone

-they are very intelligent (“little professors” he called them)

-they see things in black and white, meaning they take things very literally

-they do not easily process information

-they miss subtleties, do not easily intuit

-they are very sensitive to sounds, textures

-they have an odd sense of humor—quirky fits here

-they do not easily read faces, tend to avoid eye contact

-they are not so sensitive to feelings—they do not easily empathize

-they can melt down if given too many tasks at once

There’s no conclusive data as to what leads to Aspergers. I suppose it is inherited, but I cannot point to others in my family.  It finds itself somewhere on the autistic spectrum.  All I know is that has been a unique journey, one Heather and I were not prepared for.  We have had to learn as we go, as Nate has.  Sadly, through his early education, most of his teachers had no idea what to do with a bright kid who was still processing Venus when they had moved on to Mars. 

Up until recently, not much was written about AS.  I have yet to discover a resource person who has been a significant help to my son, or me and my wife for that matter (it is not to say that those persons do not exist).  We have chased down books, gone to a neurological clinic with its own unique, sometimes bizarre exercises.  Most of what I have received is sympathy.  But I am not looking for this.  For the reality is, Aspergers is not a disability or an illness.  It is not necessarily a negative.  I happen to believe that if my son navigates through life successfully, he can use his uniqueness to do something amazing.  They say that people like Einstein and Bill Gates and the girl with the dragon tattoo are Aspies.  If so, he has joined a unique club.

Thankfully, there is beginning to be a greater awareness.  From the movie Adam (as well as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), to the current series “Parenthood”, Aspies are becoming part of the mix of characters. My pastoral work is beginning to include parents and spouses who are learning to live with this neurological condition. I’m not sure where all of it is going, but I am certain God, who superintends over all, has an interesting set of chapters ahead. It is a reminder, as well, that God has made us all very different, and a very big part of the pastoral task is to slow down before making assumptions, avoiding any tendency to marginalize those who are different, writing off those who just might be essential to the work of the kingdom.

 

 

The Dangerous Side of Success

An article out of the business section of this week’s Wall Street Journal, “Kodak Teeters on the Brink”, tells the painful story of Kodak.  After thirteen highly successful decades, the film and camera company is today on the ropes.  It is preparing to seek bankruptcy protection.  Consider this: at one time. Kodak was the undisputed king, an industry giant. It was the Google, the Apple of its day.  It seemed like everyone bought Kodak—be it film or cameras. At one point, sales reached the 10 billion mark annually. Shares went as high as 40 dollars. But in the last three years, the company has not seen a profit.  Shares as of Wednesday have fallen to 47 cents!  

How did this happen?  In part, they stopped being innovative.  Kodak could have owned the digital revolution (they invented the first digital camera in 1975—and then ignored it!).  Part of the reason was its love for film.  The digital revolution ended up passing them by, and with it, a sense of movement, innovation, and research.  In 2007, they began blowing up unused buildings, including BLGS 65 (the imagery research lab). 

Behind all of this is something that tends to happen with success.  Organizations become arrogant, monolithic, and inflexible. As one employee put it, “We had this self-imposed opinion of ourselves that we could do anything, that we were undefeatable.”  We’ve seen this story before.  Decades of dumb decisions sent GM into bankruptcy.  Early on, there was an instinctive feel for what Americans wanted—chrome, fins.  They paid attention, and designed and built with a sense of urgency.  They were in the chase (see my previous post). But success began to undermine the company. It stopped paying attention to what was outside its walls, lost its feel for what the consumer wanted, and lost its way.

In an article entitled “Toyota Tangled”, the writers of Time magazine observed the same thing at Toyota.  A lot of the recent mess is attributed to a management that “fell in love with itself, became insular, and succumbed to a sclerotic culture.”  Not that this only happens to car companies, but it is amazing that 90% of car companies that existed in the early 1900’s were gone by the 1940’s. 

There’s much the church can learn from all of this, for church cultures are prone to the same thing—

to read the rest of the article go to Trans-formed

A New Year's Resolution Worth Pursuing

Working off unwanted calories in a spinning class a couple of weeks ago, our trainer warned us that it will be important to sign up earlier than usual, for after the first of the year, classes will fill up fast.  It never fails; it happens every January. There is something about the first of the year that gets people thinking about change, turning over a new leaf, and going on a crash diet.  Athletic clubs seem to be high traffic areas for the first three weeks of the year.  Than everything seems to go back to the way it was.

But reading a recent article (sent to me by one of my students) got me to thinking about a far better resolution than shedding pounds. In his “This One Leadership Quality Will Make or Break You”, Mike Myatt encourages leaders to consider a refresher in pursuitology. Leadership is all about pursuit.  If you want to become a greater leader in 2012, become a great pursuer.  So here are some mini resolutions this article has helped me to consider:

1-Resolve—to never be satisfied with static thinking.  Make 2012 the year of the pursuit of reading, the sort that stretches the thinking.  Here are some current books that have or are doing just this:

Craig Van Gelder-Missional Church in Perspective

David Rock-Your Brain at Work

Candace Millard-The River of Doubt

Eugene Peterson-The Pastor

Scot McKnight-The King Jesus Gospel

Jim Collins-Great By Choice

Stretching one’s thinking involves more than reading.  May 2012 be the year of meaningful conversations, the kind that expand one’s world view, alter former assumptions, and deepen one’s core convictions. 

2-Resolve—to realize the consequences if I am not in a pursuit mode. Failure to embrace pursuit is to cede opportunity to others.  As I often tell my kids—“this world is not waiting for you.  You must pursue it.”  There has to be a fire burning inside.  Otherwise, you will be forever on the outside looking in.  You will be waiting for your ship to come in, and discover, when it is way too late, that you have been standing at the wrong dock.  

3-Resolve—to pursue the right things.  I’m writing this as my dog snuck out the front door.  And once he does, it’s a chase after all the wrong things—whatever happens to be out there—trivial pursuits that can get him lost or killed.  It’s the same with us.  We can pursue excellence, or settle for mediocrity.  Pursue wisdom, or cede to foolishness.  Pursue change, or surrender to status quo. Pursue creativity, or give in to the mundane. Pursue Jesus, or yield to a life of emptiness. As Myatt puts it, “…nothing tells the world more about a leader that what or who they pursue.” Knowing what not to pursue is just as important as knowing what to pursue. 

4-Resolve—to pursue with the right energy.  Pursuit that is worthy is intentional, focused, aggressive, and unyielding. So here is my New Year’s resolution—to think carefully about the things that matter and go after them hard.  Guard against distraction (Lord knows there are way too many); steer clear of second best; of what is comfortable and convenient. 

5-Resolve—to pursue in a way that leverages velocity and scale.  I well remember a talk given by the CEO of Pepsico years ago in London.  He brought his best and brightest together and challenged them to avoid incrementalism—making small changes to small things.  Here’s what it looks like: cleaning out your inbox, answering your voice mail, and replying to any texts—and calling it a day.  It is spending the day in endless chitchat, scrolling down the latest comments on Facebook, reading the latest novel and chocking it up as study.  Small changes to small things is a waste of time.  So here’s my resolution—leverage the scale by giving more attention to making big changes to big things. 

6-Resolve—to enlist others in the pursuit.  Myatt notes that the best forms of pursuit bring others into the chase.  “Pursuit in its purest form is highly collaborative.”  So much of Scripture is addressed to the community, not the individual.  It’s a reminder that the sort of pursuit that really matters is corporate—not merely personal.  It is engaging the congregation in such a way that something has been transferred--they now have joined in the chase. 

7-Resolve—to pursue being a better leader.  To do less is to drift, devolve, and become obsolete. 

Spinning is great exercise, but at the end of the session, you are still in the same place.  Myatt’s challenge is give yourself to real movement.  Pursue! You cannot attain what you do not pursue. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Americans, God, and Christmas

There was an interesting article in the NY Times last week, “Americans: Undecided About God?” by Eric Weiner.  From his viewpoint, the Christmas season affords an opportunity to “reconnect with our religious heritage”.  He also sees it as a time to lament the “sad state” of our national conversation with God and wish there were another way.

Weiner identifies with the “Nones”, the roughly 12% who have no religious affiliation (25% among younger people).  Nones are the undecided of the religious world, who dabble in everything from Sufism to Judaism, who are looking for another way.  They may not believe in God, but they hope to one day.  It’s just that the current God of choice is not so inviting.  He is too angry, according to Weiner.  What is needed is someone to reinvent a new way of being religious—a religious operating system created by a Steve Jobs sort, who can create “religious” in a way that is straightforward and unencumbered, intuitive and interactive.

My first response is to applaud Weiner for his honesty, as well as his desire to find a God that satisfies the soul.  He sees a world in which God is not a lot of fun, an angry God who is constantly judging and smiting his followers.  Like him, I would have no desire to follow this sort of God. Like him, I would want a God who laughs often and well.

What’s unfortunate is that Weiner has apparently never met Jesus. If he claims to, it has been an imposter under a similar name.  Jesus is nothing like the God he seems to be rejecting.  No one has probably walked this earth and laughed like Jesus.  He not only went to some of the parties, He made sure there was plenty of wine.  No one has ever extended grace and mercy like Jesus.  No other God has submitted to human form, left the kingdom of heaven for the slums of earth, and emptied Himself in order to identify with us, feel our pain, and pay the price for our failures but the one true God.  This is what Christmas affords us an opportunity to connect with!

The One who marks the heavens and weighs the mountains makes Himself little so that He can make much of us.  Most gods of our making make themselves big in order to make us small.  They come to be served.  Jesus came to serve.  And yes, He is a God who does get angry, but it is an anger mixed with compassion and grief. There is mourning to be done for those who do not know the deathliness of their situation.  There is anger directed at the evil that corrupts our world and ruins our lives.  He takes evil and its deadly power with utter seriousness. This is why He came to Bethlehem. He is the essence of love as well as the Protector of justice.  He is a God who will bring to account those who rob the young of their innocence, create bombs behind closed doors, and oppress the poor. If God is not angry at all of this, who would want to follow Him?

Nor has Weiner really met the “Haves”, those who do have an affiliation with the community of Jesus, who do in fact embrace a faith straightforward and unencumbered.  Yes, some are running from organized religion.  This seems to be in vogue.  The church in all of its sweaty, smelly, concreteness can at times be unattractive.  But even the most spontaneous and prophetic movements cannot last without some institutional form. The alternative, anarchy, is not all that great (who wants to be part of something like Occupy Wall Street long term?) Institutions can impede the imagination, but buildings and liturgy and pastors can also provide the framework and accountability to do something great.  Our task is to love the church, in all of its smelliness, in the same way God loves a people He calls His Bride. 

After reading the story of Steve Jobs and his tendency to go ballistic and be abusive, I think I will stay with Someone who did not invent religion, but came to call us back to who we were created to be in the beginning.  I will stay passionate about Someone who invites us into the most intimate personal relationship, the most profound spirituality.  Jesus alienated the existing religious authorities because He addressed the issues of the heart rather than the hand.  It is the interior that is the real toxin, and only Jesus can heal us from our narcissistic tendencies and bring us back to a better center.

Weiner seems to view all of this as superstition, and prefers to identify himself as a modern day rationalist.  But the rationalists I have met generally have no room for God because that space is too crowded with self.  But maybe this fits Weiner’s worldview, a world that wants a god they can make of their own; a form fitted god that accommodates to man’s wants; worship reduced to the spiritual stature of the worshipper. It’s all rather empty.  Only the one true God, fleshed out in Jesus, can meet our needs.  Truly knowing Him, who would want another way?    

Does God Still Speak In Our Noisy World?

Does God still speak? Is there a frequency we must locate, in which His voice is unmistakably clear? For me, it’s not an easy question to answer. On one hand, I count on the fact God speaks. I would have nothing to say from the pulpit from which I preach three times each week if I did not believe God speaks. I read the numerous stories in Scripture in which God speaks—be it through a burning bush, a quiet whisper, a voice in the night, or a talkative donkey. On a mountain, the disciples clearly heard God speak, “This is My beloved Son, I take delight in Him, listen to Him!” I read of powerful encounters (Teresa of Avila), hear from people who have sensed the Spirit speaking into their lives in ways seemingly as real. Clearly God is a God who speaks.

And yet, God can seem so silent. I cannot say I have had tangible moments in which His voice has been audible such that it was clearly a tenor or a baritone sound. I cannot describe an experience like Jim Houston (Joyful Exiles: Life in Christ on the Dangerous Edge), in which he awakened in the night by a bright line and an overwhelming presence of God. I have had no angelic visions, no mystical encounters with strangers from heaven (well, maybe). In my travels, particularly to third world countries, I have spoken with believers who have shared amazing encounters with Jesus in dreams, moments that led to redemption and healing.

-to read the rest of the article go to Trans-formed

Bonhoeffer's Warning

In the late 30’s Dietrich Bonhoeffer came back to America for a second time.  The seminary in Germany was outlawed under a Nazi regime. This young German pastor had  himself become a member of the Resistance. He was informed by German authorities he must report for military duty.  And so Bonhoeffer sailed for New York. But within 24 hours of his arrival, he faced huge doubts.

Bonhoeffer was torn between the safety and freedom he experienced on this side of the Atlantic, and the need to be back with his brothers and sisters in the Confessing Church in Germany. In his biography, Eric Metaxas describes the turmoil Bonhoeffer felt.  Bonhoeffer wandered New York like a ghost.  He saw himself wasting days, perhaps weeks.  He felt himself a coward.  He ached for something of God, a word.

In an earlier visit (1930), Bonhoeffer found too much of the preaching intellectually thin and inconsequential, sermons reduced to parenthetical remarks about newspaper events. Attending a well known, liberal church, in the summer of 1939, he knew as soon as the worship began he was in the wrong place.  It was the empty preaching that, in particular, set him off.  He would later write in his diary: “The whole thing was a respectable, self indulgent, self satisfied religious celebration. This sort of idolatrous religion stirs up the flesh which is accustomed to being kept in check by the Word of God.  Such sermons make for libertinism, egotism, indifference…I have no doubt that one day the storm will blow with full force on this religious hand-out.”  After twenty six more days of doubts, Bonhoeffer left New York and set his face toward Berlin.  He would eventually go to the gallows built by Hitler and his regime.

I read these words wondering what Bonhoeffer would find today in our culture.  No doubt he would still find too many sermons that are little more than parenthetical remarks about newspaper events, worship self indulgent, and most all of it impacting nothing deeper than the emotions. He might still ache for a word.  He would also probably warn us that our times are perilous as well, and if we do not awaken, a storm will blow with full force.  The need for a clear word from God, a word that builds disciples, is more necessary than ever.

In a new book, The Missional Church in Perspective, the authors note that developing and deepening the Christian identity of every disciple has to be at the forefront of the contemporary church’s focus more than ever. The church cannot witness credibly to or participate effective in God’s mission without faithful discipleship. Just as in Bonheoffer’s day, the culture can “no longer be assumed to contribute constructively to Christian formation, and few families are equipped to do so. Thus, Christian identity must be cultivated intentionally, patiently, and comprehensively by congregations and other Christian communities.”

A big part of this goes back to preaching that takes serious the necessary preparation—contemplative exegesis as Peterson puts it.  Studying carefully, listening deeply for the Spirit to speak through the necessary exegesis. If the church doesn’t step up to this, the community of faith will continue its slide towards thinness, ill equipped to face the spiritual war we are in.

The 2011 Immaterial, Unrelated, Extraneous, Irrelevant Awards

Like last year, I moved from one completely different world to another, in a matter of a few days.  From the desperation of the streets of Ethiopia, where I was earlier in November, I spent the last few days in the meeting rooms of the Marriott Marquis, a luxury hotel in San Francisco, participating in theological meetings.  But as I experience each year, these meetings have there own desperation—for some relevance. 

There are some bright thinkers in this society for sure, and I am encouraged to see careful scholarship done in areas from Philosophy to Theology, from Hebrew to Greek studies. Still, I read through the program handbook, and I find it challenging to choose  papers that I believe speak to the average congregant in the pew.  But then, most are not written to them (but who some of these papers are written to remains a mystery to me).  So here, as is my annual practice, are those papers receiving the “The Top Ten Most Irrelevant Awards”*, those papers that seem, at least on the surface of the title, to be neither here nor there.

1-Implications of the Toledoths Regarding ANE Influence on Genesis

2-Jesus ‘Minus Triplex’ Reexamined: A Proposal for ‘Munus Monoplex’ or the One Unified Role of Jesus

3-Solving the Euthyphro Dilemma and Defending Theistic Ethics

 4-‘Dionysus will soon enough be the judge of our claims to wisdom!’: Nietzsche as the Sublime Muse of Moral Decision-Making

5-Why are (Some) Platonists so Insouciant?

6-Epistematic Euccatastrophy: The Favorable Turn of the Evidence”

7-On the Impossibility of Omnimalevolence: Plantinga on Tooley’s New Evidential Argument from Evil

8-The Dignity of Damnation

9-Discourse Type, Slot Machines, and the Hebrew Bible

10-A Farewell to Arms: The Rhetoric of Arms and the Death of Goliath

 Honorable Mention:

From the Beach Boys to Surfer’s Chapel: A Theology of California Surf Culture

Athletic Imagery in John? ‘Just Do It’ with Nike and Stephanos

The great news is that these, and nearly all 500 others are available for purchase, including my somewhat relevant paper, “What Corporate, Political, and Pastoral Leadership Can Learn from One Another” (a paper I am sure someone has identified on another post as lacking the intellectual muscle to be considered for a theological society meeting).  You can also find it under articles written on my blog site. Until next year…

 *I am not making any of these up

Life From the Other Side

I'm just about to leave Ethiopia, a different world for sure. You know you are in a different world when...

1 –  you are in line to board the plane in Beirut, and you are asked to sit until the women have boarded first

2 – the sun shines. This normally does not happen for an Oregonian this time of year, but here in Addis, the sun shines directly overhead because you are near the Equator, but you are cool instead of extremely hot because you are at 8,000 ft in elevation. In other words – a climate to die for

3 – you stand in line for a visa and make small talk with an expat from Germany who has come to bid on a military project to help support drone missions over the horn of Africa

4 – you step out of that airport and meet a young woman who reminds you of your daughter, and she is dressed in a colorful Ethiopian dress, and she smiles and asks for help and she walks with a limp and then you realize she has no hands and begs for a dollar, and you get in the car and that image hangs with you the rest of the trip

5 – one moment you are sipping a cappuccino in a lavish hotel, hanging out with wealthy expats, and strolling along perfectly manicured gardens and luxury pools, and you end the day driving darkened streets, navigating through a sea of humanity, who have no place to go, and beyond them you notice shadowy female figures who line the streets, waiting to sell their bodies

6 – you step into a small restaurant, and they come with pitcher and soap and towel to wash your hands because they do not provide utensils because this is a different world where hands serve as fork and spoon

7 – you drive by a dark and scary stretch of a rough part of the city and see two rough looking policemen holding hands because men are not shy to express their common friendship

8 – you have a nice Ethiopian meal with cultural dance that gets basically hijacked by inebriated Chinese businessmen

9 – you see donkeys everywhere, and horse drawn carriages at every turn, and all of creation seems to groan, and an occasional horse is put out in the road to eventually be hit for it has served its purpose and the owner will require full cost by the errant motorist in order to buy a new horse, and you realize afresh the words of Rom 8 that creation groans in this broken world

10 – men are not shy to pee on the side of roads in full view, but would not want to get caught spitting in public

This is my third trip to Africa, the first to Ethiopia. It turned out to be a side trip at the end of teaching in Beirut, with the main aim to see the Heye family, who are doing an amazing work here. I say amazing, because i notice that this place can take its toll, but they have held up well. Pray for them. And now, back to the other world...

A Few Concluding Thoughts from Beirut

About eight years ago, three of us sat in a small guest house just outside of Damascus and dreamed—an Australian OM Director, a London businessman, and a NW pastor. Seeing both the strategic location of Lebanon and a church weakened by disunity and independence, we began to put together a deliberate plan for bringing ministries together—and called it the Near East Initiative.  It is pretty amazing what has happened.  Each year since, more and more people have been coming from all over the world to think together and pray together and act together.

This weekend, nearly 150 gathered together in North Beirut, coming from the States, Europe, Syria, Jordan, Iraq, Egypt, the Gulf, Australia, Canada, South America, and Africa.  We met to create initiatives that will more effectively reach the next generation, plant churches, build leaders, do relief work, and pray. It’s too early to talk about one of the initiatives, but it could radically change the landscape.  Exciting stuff!   

My conversations were wide ranging.  I had lunch today with a very smart former executive of Frito-Lay, listening to his story of how God has brought him from success into significance; Wednesday night I sat across from a former Army Ops officer who trains people how to be alert to terrorism.  He travels all over the world into some of the most dangerous places.  I was on the edge of my seat. Thursday night I had dinner with an American who travels all over the place, determining recommendations for grants. He loves to see money go to great kingdom projects. I listened to a nuclear scientist on Friday morning give some of the most amazing predictions for where the world is going.  I prayed with a young man from the Midwest who has been serving God in Yemen; visited with a man who has begun an international school for kids in Amman, that is attracting Muslim parents from the highest offices in Jordan; hung out with an oil man from London who is focusing on business start ups; listened to a man from Hong Kong tell us the amazing work God is doing in China; visited with a pastor from Aleppo, Syria, a church I have preached in, tell me how the besieged government is trying to reach out to Christians; preached today in a church strategically placed along the green line near South Beirut, where believers from Lebanon, Algeria, Egypt, Sudan, etc congregate and worship and are doing great things.  And it all started with teaching 17 students at a seminary in East Beirut, who are from all over the Middle East, and who are training to be tomorrow’s leaders

Wow! It beats driving to Gresham. I’m sure I have missed a lot.  There’s something so energizing about being with the global body of Christ.  Tonight at 1:00am I will travel to Ethiopia to see missionaries.  It gets pretty lonely on this side of the world, and I am sure it gets especially tough in Ethiopia.  I am looking at it as an extended visitation.  If you think of me, pray it is safe and fruitful. I am so grateful for a church that is global, that is serious about engaging in ministry around the world.  I am also anxious to return back to family later this week—and the body of Christ at Village.  

The Life Report

Waiting for a flight to Beirut on Sunday, I came a cross a Saturday column by David Brooks of the NY Times entitled “The Life Report”.  He talked about a discovery he made recently, coming across a collection of short autobiographies that the Yale class of 1942 wrote for their 50^th reunion.  Some are inspiring, and some are ones you want to avoid.  The most common lament is that people worked all of their lives for the same company and now realized how boring they must be.  Others regretted risks that were not taken. Most played it safe.

Ironically, I was just into The River of Doubt by Candice Millard.  It’s the story of Theodore Roosevelt’s darkest journey.  If there ever was a risk taker, if ever anyone lived a life that did not play it safe, it was Roosevelt.  He had this propensity to lose himself in physical hardship and danger.  Frail and sickly as a child, this future President overcame it by forcing himself into a regimen of harsh physical exercise, something he did all of his life. His idea of a vacation was not Camp David; rather, he would occasionally head for the badlands to fight with bears, often alone.

But when his political career ended, he was bored and ripe for an adventure. He was ready to change professions, become a naturalist and an explorer.  He was invited to venture into the dense jungle of the Amazon.  But Roosevelt went far deeper.  He shifted from the original plan, and to the horror of his sponsors, he decided to go where no one had ever gone in the Amazon.  He decided to explore the River of Doubt. It had never been mapped.  No one knew its length or direction, or anything about the perils that went with it.  Roosevelt saw it as his last chance to be a boy, but when he emerged months later, he had aged way beyond his 54 years.  After his journey on this 1000 mile river through the dense Brazilian rainforest, He was an old man who never fully recovered.

It’s understandable.  Just to get to the river required a harrowing journey of two months over vast and varied terrain.  His group lost 98 mules alone on the way.  And then they came to the river and began their descent, there was no turning back.  Here is some of what he and the others faced: hordes of gnats, sand flies, horseflies and bees and malaria carrying mosquitoes.  Staying afloat on their crude and heavy canoes was a must. The river was full of alligators, 500 pound anacondas, razor tooth piranhas, poisonous frogs, bull sharks, and candiru—tiny fish known for wiggling their way into the urethra, creating the most unimaginable pain.  On land, there were jaguars and wild pigs and flying monkeys, and the most lethal snakes in the world, whose bite meant the worst suffering and death within minutes.  There always lurked hostile Indians, violent and unpredictable, who celebrated their victory by eating their human prey. Worst of all was the jungle that was anything but a sanctuary, where everything fought for survival, and anything and anyone that was weak or infirmed was ruthlessly dealt with.  Daily deluges of rain drenched them, and then there were the terrifying sounds at night, spine chilling noises that kept a man awake in mortal fear.

Roosevelt chose to enter this world for the sheer experience of discovery.  But once he entered, disease, hunger, and exhaustion stalked him at every turn, down every falls, through every rapid, and on every hike.  By the time he came out, he and those in his party appeared almost inhuman.  Gaunt, hollow cheeked, clothes tattered, skin bruised and baked and bitten, Roosevelt lost one fourth of his weight.

Sadly, there is hardly a mention of God in the story.  I am always amazed at this.  How futile and meaningless it all is when it is largely about self.  The book left me both amazed, saddened, and empty.  Perhaps, many of the Yale stories are the same. I’m challenged by all of this to live meaningfully, to live adventurously, though I have no desire to do anything much more daring than kayaking the Pend Oreille.  Hopefully my essay will ring with passion and conviction, but most of all, be about His story in me.